And yet even this did
not bring me peace. For when I returned to the abbey after the
expulsion of those whom I have just mentioned, and entrusted myself
to the remaining brethren, of whom I felt less suspicion, I found
them even worse than the others. I barely succeeded in escaping
them, with the aid of a certain nobleman of the district, for they
were planning, not to poison me indeed, but to cut my throat with a
sword. Even to the present time I stand face to face with this
danger, fearing the sword which threatens my neck so that I can
scarcely draw a free breath between one meal and the next. Even so
do we read of him who, reckoning the power and heaped-up wealth of
the tyrant Dionysius as a great blessing, beheld the sword secretly
hanging by a hair above his head, and so learned what kind of
happiness comes as the result of worldly power (Cicer. 5, Tusc.)
Thus did I too learn by constant experience, I who had been exalted
from the condition of a poor monk to the dignity of an abbot, that
my wretchedness increased with my wealth; and I would that the
ambition of those who voluntarily seek such power might be curbed
by my example.
And now, most dear brother in Christ and comrade closest to me in
the intimacy of speech, it should suffice for your sorrows and the
hardships you have endured that I have written this story of my own
misfortunes, amid which I have toiled almost from the cradle.
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