There, indeed, could I draw
breath for a little in quiet, and among them my labours were
fruitful, as they never were among the monks. All this was of the
utmost benefit to me in body and soul, and it was equally essential
for them by reason of their weakness.
But now has Satan beset me to such an extent that I no longer know
where I may find rest, or even so much as live. I am driven hither
and yon, a fugitive and a vagabond, even as the accursed Cain (Gen.
iv, 14). I have already said that "without were fightings, within
were fears" (II Cor. vii, 5), and these torture me ceaselessly, the
fears being indeed without as well as within, and the fightings
wheresoever there are fears. Nay, the persecution carried on by my
sons rages against me more perilously and continuously than that of
my open enemies, for my sons I have always with me, and I am ever
exposed to their treacheries. The violence of my enemies I see in
the danger to my body if I leave the cloister; but within it I am
compelled incessantly to endure the crafty machinations as well as
the open violence of those monks who are called my sons, and who
are entrusted to me as their abbot, which is to say their father.
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