And the look of self-reproach that she had long known in
him, returned with a force she had not yet seen.
"It was a horror for me to watch his decline, his hopeless battle in
the stockade. Because we are so much alike, and because I felt..... I
often felt that he made my mistakes for me. That I learned, and
survived, only because of him. Many is the time that my own temper was
about to explode, to my injury, and possible undoing.... But it was
always James who struck the guard first, or raised his voice in anger
at the outrage we all felt, but lacked the courage to act upon.
"It is a terrible thing to think that he died for that courage, and
that because of my cowardice I live. Seeing the black end to which we
must all come, still I shunned the fight. After the first year..... I
only turned the other cheek, again and again. I told myself that I had
to survive, just keep trying and hoping. But survival becomes a poor
excuse, when pride is lost.
"It will be many years," he concluded, "before I can look myself in
the face when I think of James Talbert.
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