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Various

"Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, April 4, 1917"

I am far from wishing to be an
alarmist, but it is as well that we should face the facts, especially when
they are supported by statistics so irrefutable as those which I am willing
to produce to you at any moment on receiving your request to do so.
Fortunately it is not yet too late to apply a simple and adequate remedy to
this condition of affairs. All you have to do is to issue _and enforce_ an
Order in the following terms:--
(1) Every occasion on which food, no matter how small the amount, is eaten
shall count as a meal.
(2) Not more than two meals shall be eaten by any person, of whatever size,
age or sex, in a day of twenty-four hours.
(3) No meal shall last more than ten minutes.
(4) The mastication of every mouthful shall last not less than thirty
seconds.
(5) A mouthful for the purpose of this Order shall not consist of more food
than can be conveyed to the mouth in an ordinary teaspoon.
I venture to think that this order, _if issued at once and drastically
applied_, will meet every difficulty, and that we shall hear no more of a
shortage.


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