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Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville), 1881-1975

"A Man of Means"

"
"I can, sir. My niece at Aldershot."
Mr. Teal wagged his head at him with a kind of priestly archness.
"You can not have forgotten my niece at Aldershot?"
Roland stared at him dumbly. It was like a line out of a melodrama. He
feared, first for his own, then for the butler's sanity. The latter was
smiling gently, as one who sees light in a difficult situation.
"I've never been at Aldershot in my life."
"For our purposes you have, sir. But I'm afraid I am puzzling you. Let
me explain. I've got a niece over at Aldershot who isn't much good.
She's not very particular. I am sure she would do it for a
consideration."
"Do what?"
"Be your 'Past,' sir. I don't mind telling you that as a 'Past' she's
had some experience; looks the part, too. She's a barmaid, and you
would guess it the first time you saw her. Dyed yellow hair, sir," he
went on with enthusiasm, "done all frizzy. Just the sort of young
person that a young gentleman like yourself would have had a 'past'
with. You couldn't find a better if you tried for a twelvemonth."
"But, I say----!"
"I suppose a hundred wouldn't hurt you?"
"Well, no, I suppose not, but----"
"Then put the whole thing in my hands, sir.


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