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Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville), 1881-1975

"A Man of Means"

I can assure you that you have nothing to
gain commercially by interfering with my late kingdom. I hope, before
we part, that I can persuade you to abandon your idea of financing this
movement to restore me to the throne.
"I don't understand--er--your majesty."
"I will explain. Please treat what I shall say as strictly confidential.
You must know, Mr. Bleke, that these attempts to re-establish me as a
reigning monarch in Paranoya are, frankly, the curse of an otherwise
very pleasant existence. You look surprized? My dear sir, do you know
Paranoya? Have you ever been there? Have you the remotest idea what sort
of life a King of Paranoya leads? I have tried it, and I can assure
you that a coal-heaver is happy by comparison. In the first place,
the climate of the country is abominable. I always had a cold in the
head. Secondly, there is a small but energetic section of the populace
whose sole recreation it seems to be to use their monarch as a target
for bombs. They are not very good bombs, it is true, but one in, say,
ten explodes, and even an occasional bomb is unpleasant if you are the
target.


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